Setting boundaries can be so difficult for me. I’ve always been a huge people pleaser and really struggle to say no to anyone about anything. But learning to say no has honestly been one of the biggest things that’s set me free recently.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect. I still say yes to things I don’t want to do sometimes, but hear me out. I’ve saved hours of my life and hundreds of pounds by practicing this over the past few months.
Every time we say yes to something we don’t really want to do, like going for a drink after work, signing up for a gym we’ll never use, or agreeing to that hen party abroad, we’re actually saying no to ourselves.
The Turning Point
I started noticing I needed better boundaries when I felt constantly overwhelmed. I was always running around, wasting time, and not making any real progress toward my goals.
When I first started saying no, I felt so guilty and worried people would feel rejected. But here’s the truth, people treat you the same. We think way more about the situation than they do. Most people just accept your no and move on with their lives.
The Guilt and How to Handle It
Saying no can make us feel so much guilt. I had people say “oh come on” or “pleassseee,” but I’ve learned to just stick to my initial response. The more I do it, the easier it becomes.
I had to understand that I can’t say yes to everything and that making time for me is equally, if not more, important. It’s definitely a work in progress, but over time it really does get easier.
The Mindset Shift
The biggest mindset shift for me was realising that you can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to listen to your body and know when it’s time to rest. For me, a lot of my people-pleasing came from being afraid of letting people down.
Now, I remind myself that rest and recovery are just as productive as doing more.
Small Steps That Made a Big Difference
One of the simplest boundaries I set was only planning one thing per day. I’m not going to be at breakfast with one friend and lunch with another on the same day anymore. It sounds small, but it’s been life-changing.
Another easy way to start is by saying, “I’ll think about it and let you know,” instead of giving an instant yes. It gives you time to think about whether you actually want to do it or if you’re just saying yes out of habit.
I also started declining phone calls when I was in the middle of something and letting my family know to only call me if it was really important at certain hours.
The Results
By saying no more often, I’ve been able to rest, recover, and do the things I actually want to do. I no longer feel pulled in a million directions.
And if you’re just starting to set boundaries, my best advice is don’t worry about FOMO. If you didn’t want to go in the first place, you’re not missing out. You’re choosing peace.
I’ve also made my home a calm and relaxing space, so whenever I come back, I feel like I can truly switch off.
Setting boundaries doesn’t have to happen overnight. Start small, one baby step at a time. With each “no,” you’re saying a bigger “yes” to yourself, your goals, and your wellbeing.